): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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