K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
