My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
