you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
