google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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