47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
