OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
