It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
