I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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