i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
This toilet bowl is my home.
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