i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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