Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
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