omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
