Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
