Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
