Soap is not a condiment
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
