which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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