These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
two words...techno handjob
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
