Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Randomize
