Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
