Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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