Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
