textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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