nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
