Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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