ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
