too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
