I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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