i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
