Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
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