Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
