she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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