Grow some girl-balls and come out already
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
