I must be too annoying 4 u.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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