I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
whose ass print is on the piano?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize