Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Randomize
