when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
