My cat gives me a boner
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
