I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
