i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
