Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
