my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
