what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
