I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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