If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
