I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
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