Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
