talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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