u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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