yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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