What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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