I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You can't just leave with hair like that
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
